You Go Out Of Your House Like That?

So, I'm at Lowe's trying to buy some paint.  I say trying, because the 155 year old man behind the counter seems to not only have no clue how to make paint, but also seems not to be aware he is supposed to be working.  The line for paint is at least 7 people long, and he's talking to himself.  Seriously, wandering around the paint mixer machine muttering to himself.  One can only hope he is looking for something besides his mind.

So, I'm waiting, torn between hoping the kids don't cause too much damage running around the aisles and hoping they do, so their commotion might cause a manager to come over and see what is going on so I can complain about the employee without losing my place in line.

The slowpoke behind the counter finally waits on someone.  I had noticed this lady as soon as I got in line, because she was hard not to notice.  A long, obviously fake fur coat was the first thing to catch my eye.  Not sure if she skinned her kid's teddy bear or what, but that coat was something else.  Her extremely flourescent blonde hair next caught my attention, followed by the scent of her cheap perfume, which seemed to trail for miles in her wake.  Her Wet and Wild red lipstick and bright blue eyeliner told me she was fond of the 80's.  Not a skinny woman, she's wearing leopard print leggings, a far too short yellow sweater, and fake Uggs.  No one over the age of 10 should wear leggings as pants!  Oh, a sight to behold for sure. 

But what caught my attention the most was her loud way of speaking.  In an English accent.  In Pennsylvania.  "I'd like a gallon of this please, and be sure to mix it thoroughly and bang the lid on quite well this time, so we don't have a repeat of yesterday's problem", she announces in her English way. 

I continue to study her, because I'm bored and she is fascinating me for some reason.  Then her phone rings.  Sounds like an Irish River Dance.  She listens for a moment after she answers, then turns around and whispers into the phone "I'm at Lowe's getting paint, I'll call you in a few minutes.  Leave me alone now, I have to go".  In the thickest New York accent you ever heard!!!  I'm even more fascinated now. 

Gets her paint, thanks him and says "cheerio" on her way out of the line.  English again.  

Bipolar?  Stupid?  I'll never know but pretty sure she deserves a smack upside the head.